Here’s my review of J.J. Abrams’ “Star Trek” for Paramount. It’s a transcript of my review from the show, and pretty much my review posted at TheBlackBoxOffice.com. It’s a long one, and full of spoilers. If you haven’t seen it, know hat I suggest you do, but be warned, this review reveals details of the movie. Got it? Here we go:

If handing the franchise to a Star Wars fan gets results like these, George Lucas should have taken Star Trek over after “First Contact”. JJ Abrams has delivered not only one of the best Star Trek films ever produced, he has delivered the best franchise reboot in the history of modern cinema. “Star Trek” is not a prequel. It is an extended episode of one of the most legendary television shows of all time, and it is surprisingly, the most respectful tribute possible.

Imagine your favorite band, alive or dead. Now imagine a tribute band that is, by definition, doing that band’s songs, but does them in a way that is respectfully NOW. Not a copy band, a tribute band. That’s 2009’s “Star Trek”. The Original Series is like RUN DMC. Classic stuff, classic style. This movie, “Star Trek”, is like Blackstar. And I mean EXACTLY like Blackstar. We don’t need 3 or 4 albums of this. ”Reflection Eternal” will do, then everybody can go off and do their solo things. “Star Trek” stars a cast of original actors who are playing iconic roles in a style that has nothing to do with previous actors. (Wellll, there is one performance that is pretty much a parody of the prewious, I mean previous actor.) This film is both the ultimate tribute to the show and the most proper ending to an era of this show since the sixth movie. So let’s get into it.

There’s an old adage in Star Trek that goes “the star of the show is the ship”. And that’s sorta true in this movie too, except that there is one physical person who deserves his own round of applause. And he’s not an actor. Yes, JJ Abrams did a wonderful job directing, but Scott Chambliss, the production designer on this movie, did one HELL of a job. Redesigning a ship Star Trek fans know by heart is no small task. Making it make better sense? Remarkable.

Now, for the story.

Normally, a Star Trek film starts off with a scene that requires you to know something about the last movie opr major story arc in the show to get the little references that are coming. You do not need to know any Star Trek to get into this movie. It starts everyone on the same page. In the opening scene we jump right into a battle between the USS Kelvin (yeah, see? don’t worry about it, nobody has.) and a big ol ship. We meet a guy with pointy ears named Nero. He confonts the captain of the Kelvin and starts destroying stuff. a lot of the crew escapes in shuttles, but not before the ships 1st officer, George Kirk, sacrifices himself to save the crew — and his wife, who is delivering their son, James Tiberius.

We also meet young Spock, in a scene that brings back one of the best sequences in Star Trek — the speed computer lessons. The one where the computer asks you a hundred questions on a multitude of topics. Except we see a whole class of students studying in 360 degree sunken areas below floor level – it’s a great design idea, and one you don’t expect to see.

We also meet Uhura and McCoy for the “first time”. More on Uhura later, because it’s complicated. McCoy’s origin story is hilarious, and answers so many questions as to why he was so irritable most of the time. Karl Urban is one of the best casting jobs in this movie. His portrayal of a young “Bones” is one that De Kelley himself would no doubt have been proud of.

The establishing scenes are great. You get a better idea of the size of Starfleet. The attention to detail is immaculate, down to the fact that there are alien species that are NOT English speaking humans with ridges on their noses. There’s a guy in a bar in Iowa who looks EXACTLY what you’d expect to see in a bar near a place where spaceships land. The extraterrestrials in this Star Trek don’t have huge handicapping needs for special air or water or gravity — they are beings from other worlds who are going to work. Finally — aliens who aren’t “kinda weird”. They are different. We finally see IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) on screen. And yes, we see a green girl.

Next, we get into some Trekkie stuff. The infamous Koboyashi Maru test, which Kirk references in “Wrath of Khan”. We know from that movie that he cheated. Now we see how. This was a great nod to the fans.

In this movie, we get to “meet” Montgomery Scott, one of Starfleet’s brightest engineers, through a performance by Simon Pegg that would have made Jimmy Doohan proud. Unfortunately, we see that no sci-fi project is immune from “we need a cute sidekick” disease. not sure where they’re going with this idea of Scotty’s little buddy, but it doesn’t matter. We also meet Hikaru Sulu, played by John Cho, which was a great performance. The “fencing” joke was not lost on true fans. This film establishes Sulu as a helmsman who’s ready to fight when needed. This role establishes John Cho as an actor who can handle a wide range of work.

We also meet the guy who sat in the center seat before Kirk — Christopher Pike. This was a great performance by Bruce Greenwood. He turned Pike into a senior, fatherlike figure, and though this movie attempts to erase everything we know about the Original Series, This is the Pike we meet in “The Menagerie”. (Would have been cool to have him in the chair with the lights!)

Leonard Nimoy returns to prove, once and for all, that he both is, and is not, “Spock”. With his arrival, many questions are answered. More come up. It’s at this point of the movie that you’re either in, or you’re out. If you’re out, it’s probably due to the complete disregard for physics in the events that lead to Spock’s appearance. I now know how non-Trek fans feel when they heard the technobabble on TNG. I have never heard such laughable nonsense as I have when Spock explains his plans to save Romulus.

Yes, I said Romulus. There are no (apparent) Klingons in this movie. And now, The bad guys are Romulans. If you don’t know who they are, sit tight. Nero explains enough for you to move on. If you want to know more, ask a Trekkie, the will be delighted to tell you why it was important to do a decent story with Romulans, especially after “Nemesis”. This Romulan has a big ship and one mission. To destroy entire planets, including Earth.

And then…there’s Zoe Saldana as “Uhura”. When the first word went around that she’d been cast, most folks said “who?”, but those of us who knew her work from movies like Pete Chatmon’s “Premium”, we knew what was coming. And we get what we expected. Zoe takes a role that could have very well been an afterthought and turns it into a lead. Zoe takes some horrific costume decisions (who decided that leaf earrings were a good idea in the middle of a battle?) There is one HUGE question marks with this role, and it has nothing to do with her acting. The last time a romantic interest was implied with Uhura in a Star Trek movie, it was with Scotty, and it was the most awkward thing ever seen…until THIS. I don’t know what it is with JJ Abrams projects, but women are always making really weird romantic choices. This was an ODD idea, and though I won’t spoil it for you, the romance you’d think it would be is better than the one chosen.

Ben Cross was a really good Sarek, Spock’s father, though no one will ever come close to Mark Lenard’s performance. This movie made me want to see more from him. Winona Ryder was the most bizarre casting choice of this entire picture, and quite a forgettable Amanda, Spock’s mother.

If you’re looking for the original episodes where Spock and Kirk get together, we suggest the episode “Where No Man Has Gone Before” of the Original Series. It’s a great episode where you learn about Kirk’s best friend and first officer, Gary Mitchell, who is replaced by Spock after some unfortunate, but very typically Star Trek-ian events. This is not a re-telling of that story.

I totally understand why William Shatner would be upset with this movie. This is a totally new Kirk. A different story entirely. There was barely room for Nimoy.

Barring some fanfic involving The Nexus, there’s simply no way for William Shatner to have been in this picture and have it made sense. Which, in their defense, is what fans were saying when Kirk’s character was killed off in “Generations”. It closed a door to future appearances.

Tyler Perry’s appearance in this movie is pretty forgettable. It is second only to Christian Slater’s Star Trek 6 appearance on the “anybody could have done that” scale. But it’s neat to see him there. Dr. Cornel West’s appearance in the Matrix sequel worked a lot better with the film.

The script lacks in some places, but it is weak in places that were weak in the original series. The science is terrible. The fiction is great. This movie has more Star Trek in it than we’ve seen in a long time. It’s fun, and almost anyone can follow and enjoy it. If you get the opportunity to see it in IMAX, DO so. It’s great fun. But even if not, Star Trek is a 4-star return to form for a story that has been beaten up a lot.